tick, tock

This day won't end.

A few days before this weekend, I began to feel newly invigorated, eager to learn again, but all that passions has been thwarted so facilely. Perhaps out of character I became overly optimistic and my expectations for immediacy never had a chance of being fulfilled. I pissed the morning away unsuccessfully battling technical issues, proving yet again how inept I am at my profession. And then before I started my real efforts for the day, I foolishly tried to run a couple errands and make a few required phone calls, but dealing with people, and the (self-induced?) burden of disappointment they weigh on me, drained any remaining ambition I had left. I'm caught in a drowsy daze because the irksome cough I have kept waking me up all last night and is only slightly less bothersome during the day. I was so excited to spend the day reading but the sharp, propagating pain I've had in my neck apparently makes it impossible for me to sit in a comfortable reading position for more than a few minutes. So I ended up, in my frustrated and defeated state, trying to sleep the day away, hoping I'd feel better (i.e., less irritable and more ambitious) tomorrow. But even sleep seems out of my reach as I keep checking the clock, first waiting for the sun to go away and now waiting for it to near its return, downing pain killers and lounging around lethargically bored and miserable.

My efforts are so pathetic, as if I'm purposely setting myself up to fail. But I'm not. I really don't know how to suppress my overly sensitive and frail nature.