I'm stuck.
For two weeks I have sequestered myself in the 'burbs to read, write, and watch films; however, I wasted the entire last week predominantly sulking for reasons of which are superfluous yet typical. Regardless, my time here is ending and I must return to my previous existence. Today marked the first in a sequence of three days of planned social interaction. It did not go well. I consistently find myself frustrated in a no-man's-land between two extremes: one that I cannot return to and another of which I cannot reach. Today was a mingling with the former and tomorrow will be one of the latter. Day three will be a frolic with an alternate yet no longer desirable version of myself (though the implication of anticipated mirth is not for the activities themselves so much as for my curiosity in how I will manage to interact with my doppelganger).
I'm being vague.
What went so wrong today? The situation and reasons are similar to a previous blog entry. I find myself bored in everyday conversation and frustrated by the so-called inappropriateness of my own interests. For too many, entertainment seems to exclude real discussion and debate and any attempt I make to contradict this is viewed as pedant. Tonight I didn't even bother trying. Repeatedly the conversation triggered ideas I have only recently acquired from the book I'm currently reading, but each time propriety withheld me from speaking. I am so unwilling to offend people and no matter how desperately I want to unlearn this, I continually shy away from every opportunity, especially when it comes to existing friends.
Actually I do have a planned attempt to challenge this inability. As soon as I finish Humanity, my friend and I are going to read Madame Bovary together and discuss it. Normally this isn't something I would agree to, but I have ulterior motives. The idea was actually hers and it came up when she was saying that she believed it was impossible for any man to write from the perspective of a woman. Although I disagreed, I left her unchallenged as usual because I have trouble sugar-coating my opinions to her in a way that she won't take personal offense to. (Actually my rebuttal thought was that her thinking that a man couldn't write through a woman's perspective was merely a reflection of her own incapacity to understand men, which would not have gone over well.) My silence to her defensiveness inhibits our friendship and I think contradicting each other indirectly via discussing a book could help break such barriers. It'll be a good challenge for me to start with.
For two weeks I have sequestered myself in the 'burbs to read, write, and watch films; however, I wasted the entire last week predominantly sulking for reasons of which are superfluous yet typical. Regardless, my time here is ending and I must return to my previous existence. Today marked the first in a sequence of three days of planned social interaction. It did not go well. I consistently find myself frustrated in a no-man's-land between two extremes: one that I cannot return to and another of which I cannot reach. Today was a mingling with the former and tomorrow will be one of the latter. Day three will be a frolic with an alternate yet no longer desirable version of myself (though the implication of anticipated mirth is not for the activities themselves so much as for my curiosity in how I will manage to interact with my doppelganger).
I'm being vague.
What went so wrong today? The situation and reasons are similar to a previous blog entry. I find myself bored in everyday conversation and frustrated by the so-called inappropriateness of my own interests. For too many, entertainment seems to exclude real discussion and debate and any attempt I make to contradict this is viewed as pedant. Tonight I didn't even bother trying. Repeatedly the conversation triggered ideas I have only recently acquired from the book I'm currently reading, but each time propriety withheld me from speaking. I am so unwilling to offend people and no matter how desperately I want to unlearn this, I continually shy away from every opportunity, especially when it comes to existing friends.
Actually I do have a planned attempt to challenge this inability. As soon as I finish Humanity, my friend and I are going to read Madame Bovary together and discuss it. Normally this isn't something I would agree to, but I have ulterior motives. The idea was actually hers and it came up when she was saying that she believed it was impossible for any man to write from the perspective of a woman. Although I disagreed, I left her unchallenged as usual because I have trouble sugar-coating my opinions to her in a way that she won't take personal offense to. (Actually my rebuttal thought was that her thinking that a man couldn't write through a woman's perspective was merely a reflection of her own incapacity to understand men, which would not have gone over well.) My silence to her defensiveness inhibits our friendship and I think contradicting each other indirectly via discussing a book could help break such barriers. It'll be a good challenge for me to start with.
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