defense

Most people are defensive but I don't mean defensive in the same way that I am. Most people are porcupines with their needles raised to any new idea that they take to undermine who they think they are. They never outright attack but instead constantly shield themselves in their bigotry from any chance of change, true intimacy, or criticism. I am more like a roly-poly, capable of concealing myself from any possible attack, but forced to expose myself if I want to make any progress. When under assault, I coil up into a ball and though my shell protects who I am I still feel the brunt of the blows, getting pushed and rolled around helplessly. When I finally feel safe enough to uncurl, I find myself lost in new terrain and forced to try and make my way back to where I was before. So much progress lost, needed to be retraced, but with all my legs - all my assets - I still trudge along so laggardly. Not that that's of much matter; I spend most of my life closed-up in curl anyway.