I don't know how much longer I can keep up the charade of my current profession. I majored in engineering because studies in concrete, rational subjects always came easiest to me and I didn't see the point of going to college for a degree that would not earn me the financial independence I so desperately believed would to be the cure-all. My real passion at the time though was writing. At twelve I began carrying a miniature notebook and pen in my back pocket at all times, a habit of which I kept up until the age of twenty-one. I compulsively wrote every little thought I had. The majority of the time when I excused myself from public situations to go to the bathroom, I was actually rushing to write a new line or thought down, not to pee. I have a box in my closet filled with these notebooks though their content is hardly worth reviewing beyond sporadic fits of nostalgia. At the right university I could have vastly improved my rhetoric and maybe even made a profession of it but a slew of bad English teachers in high school arrogantly made me feel that it was a faculty that would be best developed on my own. And of course, given my laziness, it became a malnourished skill.
And so I went into engineering, but about three-quarters of the way through the degree my interest in the subject had wained to naught. I came very close to dropping out, but in a haze (unfortunately quite literally) I managed to stick it out. I couldn't even bring myself to start looking for a job until after graduation and even then the task was agonizing. Regardless of how close my education matched each position's qualifications, they all appeared so distant from my true aspirations, each one being more a sentence than a career. After months of applying, by shear dumb luck I got not only an interview but a job. Of all the arduous steps in the process, I remember most gruelingly sitting on the living room couch with the acceptance letter in my hand, debating to myself for over an hour as to whether I should accept the position or not. In the end, I figured it was best to have income, regardless of how it was earned, because I could always quit when I was ready.
Surprise, surprise another four years has gone by and I'm still an engineer, not anywhere closer to getting out. Earlier this year, I was seriously considering going into teaching. I worked the idea around every which way and really believed that it was the best solution. After months of deliberation I managed to fess up my plan to a friend, the one friend I go to whenever I want complete honesty, and he proceeded to laugh for a good long minute or so before saying, "X, I never thought you'd give up that completely." I tried to debate the issue with him further but he was barely listening, still trying to catch his breath from his prior spout of laughter. Needless to say I was infuriated and injured. It wasn't until the next day that I understood what he meant.
Having sufficiently debunked that prospect, I decided upon finding a career more inline with my interests. I've thought about going back to school for a degree in film preservation or restoration (at least then a technical bachelor's degree might become useful) but there are hiccups in these aspirations as well. Looking into a couple universities' programs, I don't have anywhere near the necessary prerequisites, not to mention that their tuitions would wipe out my entire savings. It would take a year or two of taking classes on top of work and volunteering before I even felt apt for applying. Frankly, it requires a long-term commitment for something that I only feel passive interest for right now.
So I am still directionless in terms of finding a dignified way to sustain myself. I only hope that as I pursue my interests outside of work, finding a means to support them will come more naturally. (Hah!)
And so I went into engineering, but about three-quarters of the way through the degree my interest in the subject had wained to naught. I came very close to dropping out, but in a haze (unfortunately quite literally) I managed to stick it out. I couldn't even bring myself to start looking for a job until after graduation and even then the task was agonizing. Regardless of how close my education matched each position's qualifications, they all appeared so distant from my true aspirations, each one being more a sentence than a career. After months of applying, by shear dumb luck I got not only an interview but a job. Of all the arduous steps in the process, I remember most gruelingly sitting on the living room couch with the acceptance letter in my hand, debating to myself for over an hour as to whether I should accept the position or not. In the end, I figured it was best to have income, regardless of how it was earned, because I could always quit when I was ready.
Surprise, surprise another four years has gone by and I'm still an engineer, not anywhere closer to getting out. Earlier this year, I was seriously considering going into teaching. I worked the idea around every which way and really believed that it was the best solution. After months of deliberation I managed to fess up my plan to a friend, the one friend I go to whenever I want complete honesty, and he proceeded to laugh for a good long minute or so before saying, "X, I never thought you'd give up that completely." I tried to debate the issue with him further but he was barely listening, still trying to catch his breath from his prior spout of laughter. Needless to say I was infuriated and injured. It wasn't until the next day that I understood what he meant.
Having sufficiently debunked that prospect, I decided upon finding a career more inline with my interests. I've thought about going back to school for a degree in film preservation or restoration (at least then a technical bachelor's degree might become useful) but there are hiccups in these aspirations as well. Looking into a couple universities' programs, I don't have anywhere near the necessary prerequisites, not to mention that their tuitions would wipe out my entire savings. It would take a year or two of taking classes on top of work and volunteering before I even felt apt for applying. Frankly, it requires a long-term commitment for something that I only feel passive interest for right now.
So I am still directionless in terms of finding a dignified way to sustain myself. I only hope that as I pursue my interests outside of work, finding a means to support them will come more naturally. (Hah!)
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