I haven't written in awhile because I've been locked in a film fixation, watching 2+ movies a day. Although I've been watching a variety of films, I've also been trying to keep a partial focus on the works of Kieslowski and Dreyer. Focusing on one or two directors at a time is vastly more fruitful than the sporadic (lazy) mood-driven ways I was doing earlier. Not only does it make the parallels between a director's collected works more apparent, but it also invigorates me to be more meticulous in my research and reflections.
In fact, my recently recovered focus has only further highlighted my weakness in two correctable ares: attention and memory. My attention span is still abominable. My thoughts still drift too much during certain films, Dreyer's later works especially. I also find myself relying too heavily on "kicks," like this month I'm on a film kick, last month I was on a reading kick, and maybe this is the beginning of my writing kick. If I take a couple days off from reading, it can take weeks to get back into the habit and by that point I'm usually hung up on something else. I can't seem to disperse my attention amongst multiple interests simultaneously. My efforts shouldn't be so mood dependent; they should be reliable and uniform. Of course it would be unnatural for me to completely eliminate my whims, but the degree to which I allow them to overwhelm, if not inhibit, me is excessive. As for my poor memory, I generally have to run across information at least two or three times before it has any chance of becoming ingrained into my head. I tend to very rarely make this repetitious effort, especially with vocabulary, but this again relates to my low attention span / lack of focus.
My methods are lazy. My mind is clogged with tired memories and rehashed day dreams, which yield no opportunity for growth. I consistently catch myself indulging in spaced-out indifference. Apathy. I waste too much of my time consumed in bipolar fits, but this is something completely out of my direct control - the best I can hope for is that it might be abated as a side effect of other rectifications. So what can I change?
I am partial towards inflicting strict programs and regiments upon myself, otherwise I just end up staring at blank screens, blank walls, and blank pages. Living in such rigidity isn't ideal, but it's the only way I know how to relieve myself of such slumps. And although I don't think I'm currently in one of those states, I still feel inclined to act so not only as a preventative measure, but as a method of increasing productivity.
So.........................................
Watch a minimum three films per new-to-me key directors. Read a minimum of fifty pages per sit down session. Books should never take longer than ten days to read, two weeks at most. Look up words instead of lazily breezing over them, guessing their meaning based on context. Internet usage should be cut to looking up a set list of curiosities, not as a means to pass the time. Conversation must express opinions and not smiles. Listen - make an effort to be less hostile and mean towards others but more demanding of my own input. Try engaging instead of observing. Interact with everything.
Sheesh, I feel like I'm writing a lame self-help book... soon to be hitting your local grocery store check-out line!
But there is sincerity. I'm tired of my deranged methods, an inundation that only promotes laziness: I spaz out at how slowly I'm understanding the increasing number of subjects piquing my interest. What I'm looking for is a means of reducing my focus, learning to once again take the time to look at things in depth, in smaller pieces, but at the same time not giving up the ever-expanding big picture. I'm looking for a livable equilibrium.
In fact, my recently recovered focus has only further highlighted my weakness in two correctable ares: attention and memory. My attention span is still abominable. My thoughts still drift too much during certain films, Dreyer's later works especially. I also find myself relying too heavily on "kicks," like this month I'm on a film kick, last month I was on a reading kick, and maybe this is the beginning of my writing kick. If I take a couple days off from reading, it can take weeks to get back into the habit and by that point I'm usually hung up on something else. I can't seem to disperse my attention amongst multiple interests simultaneously. My efforts shouldn't be so mood dependent; they should be reliable and uniform. Of course it would be unnatural for me to completely eliminate my whims, but the degree to which I allow them to overwhelm, if not inhibit, me is excessive. As for my poor memory, I generally have to run across information at least two or three times before it has any chance of becoming ingrained into my head. I tend to very rarely make this repetitious effort, especially with vocabulary, but this again relates to my low attention span / lack of focus.
My methods are lazy. My mind is clogged with tired memories and rehashed day dreams, which yield no opportunity for growth. I consistently catch myself indulging in spaced-out indifference. Apathy. I waste too much of my time consumed in bipolar fits, but this is something completely out of my direct control - the best I can hope for is that it might be abated as a side effect of other rectifications. So what can I change?
I am partial towards inflicting strict programs and regiments upon myself, otherwise I just end up staring at blank screens, blank walls, and blank pages. Living in such rigidity isn't ideal, but it's the only way I know how to relieve myself of such slumps. And although I don't think I'm currently in one of those states, I still feel inclined to act so not only as a preventative measure, but as a method of increasing productivity.
So.........................................
Watch a minimum three films per new-to-me key directors. Read a minimum of fifty pages per sit down session. Books should never take longer than ten days to read, two weeks at most. Look up words instead of lazily breezing over them, guessing their meaning based on context. Internet usage should be cut to looking up a set list of curiosities, not as a means to pass the time. Conversation must express opinions and not smiles. Listen - make an effort to be less hostile and mean towards others but more demanding of my own input. Try engaging instead of observing. Interact with everything.
Sheesh, I feel like I'm writing a lame self-help book... soon to be hitting your local grocery store check-out line!
But there is sincerity. I'm tired of my deranged methods, an inundation that only promotes laziness: I spaz out at how slowly I'm understanding the increasing number of subjects piquing my interest. What I'm looking for is a means of reducing my focus, learning to once again take the time to look at things in depth, in smaller pieces, but at the same time not giving up the ever-expanding big picture. I'm looking for a livable equilibrium.
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