She hated everyone and felt so awful for it. Were they all just pretending to connect, trying to mask their own loneliness? She couldn't bear to be conceited enough to think she was the only one so frustrated and disconnected. In particular, she avoided engagements which required her to socialize with her friends' friends. It sickened her to associate in such collectivity for she always remained detached, an inner spectator. Perhaps jealously, perhaps selfishness, she could not share her friends; she could not compete. But in sudden recollection, she couldn't recall ever having a single true friend, but instead realizing she had just never declined any entity offering to tolerate her sporadic and awkward company. She made do, for she understood too well that the absolute solitude which she so longingly craved would not bring her any closer to delectation but only further from her delusions of sanity.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment