no more false dreams

I have a plan. Due to superstitions though, I’m not sharing precise details. Basically I’m giving myself exactly one year to clean up my act and if that goes accordingly, then I will do what I’m planning on doing. Of course all this can be easily tripped up by outside forces. It’s selfish of me to refer to them so coldly, but again, I don’t want to get into it. There will always be stumbling blocks and so long as I keep waiting for them to subside, I will always have a plethora of excuses at my disposal to justify my inactivity. I’m tired of my own excuses. So whether this pans out or not, at least I’m working towards something specific now. I am learning to be content within myself, not to judge others so critically, and not to make such an absurd spectacle of myself. It’s a different way of not needing anyone, one which no longer implies such dismal abandon and isolation.

This lot is life and I will work through it, warmly.