Repeatedly I have been lectured this past week by my sister and her boyfriend about my supposed bipolar disorder and each time I become increasingly irritated by their urgings for treatment via medication. (My extremes only display themselves around those closest to me and they'd have a hard time convincing everyone else of their existence. In fact most people find me rather stoic to point of being cold and unconcerned - it's my passion for secrecy.) Although I struggle to contradict their diagnosis, especially since they both work in the biology/medical fields, I can't help but take offense to their suggestions. Perhaps it's hindsight hypocrisy but I've turned increasingly against the use of medication or drugs (for me personally; I'm impartial to what other people do), to the neurotic extreme that I restrain myself from even taking an ibuprofen for pain unless I feel it absolutely unavoidable. I even have to feel that I'm on my deathbed before I'd see a doctor for a cold. Those are merely the physical ailments; I'm even more obstinate with mental ones. Not to say that my recreational dabbling and experimentation sufficed as the end-all trial to dismiss the possible, positive health benefits of prescription medication but they did make me weary of relying on pills to cheat myself out of confronting emotional issues - I'd rather gamble with suicidal ideation than "correct" what I consider personality traits, no matter how hindering they may be.
Although experience and upbringing come strongly into play, in biological terms so much of our unique personalities, our individualities could be accounted for by chemical imbalances and it's incredibly ambiguous trying to draw the line between natural imbalances and unhealthy ones. I think too many people focus on being happy and on being (what I consider) subdued. So what if it's not easy riding on a constant stream of highs and mostly lows, always fighting a slightly paranoid but constant anxiety? Sure I feel held back from numerous things I'd like to do, but then there have also been numerous other things I've learned about myself and life, things that I could never otherwise appreciate or see. A full life can't be all good experiences just so much as a full mind can't be all positive, serene feelings. I'm willing to deal with how I naturally am (though that doesn't imply that I'm necessarily good at it) no matter how unpredictable and malicious that makes me appear. What's it matter; I'm asocial anyway.
Although experience and upbringing come strongly into play, in biological terms so much of our unique personalities, our individualities could be accounted for by chemical imbalances and it's incredibly ambiguous trying to draw the line between natural imbalances and unhealthy ones. I think too many people focus on being happy and on being (what I consider) subdued. So what if it's not easy riding on a constant stream of highs and mostly lows, always fighting a slightly paranoid but constant anxiety? Sure I feel held back from numerous things I'd like to do, but then there have also been numerous other things I've learned about myself and life, things that I could never otherwise appreciate or see. A full life can't be all good experiences just so much as a full mind can't be all positive, serene feelings. I'm willing to deal with how I naturally am (though that doesn't imply that I'm necessarily good at it) no matter how unpredictable and malicious that makes me appear. What's it matter; I'm asocial anyway.
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