"So sick and tired of all these pictures of me. Completely wrong. Totally wrong."
My position has become unstable and it's beginning to show. I can see in those dearest that they know: I'm starting to crack. They lecture me on who they see me to be, as if my words, desperate for change, contradict their expectations. They stand tall in the divinity of Outsider, Unbiased imploding me in an inundation of guilt and frustration, further confused, unable to defend my principles amidst collective bigotry. Am I excreting my innards or shedding a skin? My rationale becomes fogged in their good intentions. One by one they debase my aims as impractical idealism, reprimanding in the form of sympathetic advice. I cannot make them understand, to see things through the filter that I do. They worry for me citing that these ideas cannot be my own. Because they are not theirs? They care! They speak of happiness. I hear complacency. They speak of camaraderie in the grind but I only see unendurable survival. I receive corrosive pity in response, sometimes disappointment. I cannot hold up in this environment.
I cannot sleep.
My position has become unstable and it's beginning to show. I can see in those dearest that they know: I'm starting to crack. They lecture me on who they see me to be, as if my words, desperate for change, contradict their expectations. They stand tall in the divinity of Outsider, Unbiased imploding me in an inundation of guilt and frustration, further confused, unable to defend my principles amidst collective bigotry. Am I excreting my innards or shedding a skin? My rationale becomes fogged in their good intentions. One by one they debase my aims as impractical idealism, reprimanding in the form of sympathetic advice. I cannot make them understand, to see things through the filter that I do. They worry for me citing that these ideas cannot be my own. Because they are not theirs? They care! They speak of happiness. I hear complacency. They speak of camaraderie in the grind but I only see unendurable survival. I receive corrosive pity in response, sometimes disappointment. I cannot hold up in this environment.
I cannot sleep.
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