blah, blah, blah

I guess I'll take a moment to explain myself. For the past two years I have been engrossed in an intense research phase, absorbing as much as I can on film, music, and literature, all in the hope of reawakening a soul I had sacrificed a few years prior. I will remain vague in my reasons for that sacrifice and only say that given my predicament I made the necessary wrong decisions purely for survival's sake. But having somewhat successfully overcome those obstacles I turned to the arts, mainly film, for my regeneration.

So I have been watching up to ten films a week, though lately it's only been about three, on top of reading tons of articles and commentaries but I seem to have hit a blockade. All the exhilaration that I felt in the beginning is waning along with my attention span; I'm still watching the same amount of quality films but I'm taking less from them in terms of new ideas and thoughts. I think I've finally developed the foundation I was lacking but I need to do something to push myself further. Hence the blog!

I've focused too much on the opinions of others, which is fine when you're starting out, but now it's time to really start forming my own. I'll write some about film here, but some about other things as well. My writing skills are pretty poor, mainly because I seem to be incapable of thinking coherently. I was always better at abstract expression, i.e. cryptic poetry or abstract ink drawings. But practice, practice, practice... *sigh*

Why choose to publish this work effort? Because improving my rhetoric has been a neglected goal for too long, and although I currently have no intentions of telling anyone about this blog, I think just the looming thought that someone might come across it is enough to help keep me in line. This subconscious logic only proves how much the opinions of others weighs more on me than my own. How disgustingly obsequious.

happiness is not an option

"To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless." Flaubert

Perhaps my liking for this quote is sparked by the bitter cynicism that my own happiness is rarely anything more than ephemeral, but then I've never admired hedonism. People who are consistently happy, naturally or by their own assertion, have always seemed counterfeit, (sub)consciously naive. Or as Tarkovsky said, "I can't stand mirth. Cheerful people seem guilty to me, because they can't comprehend the mournful value of existence."

I disagree with selfishness being a requirement, as I have known a number of altruistic (sincerely even), happy people, though they're usually either delusional or bigoted. Maybe a lack of ambition, dreams, or imagination should be the third.

Faux meat and a film

Today I ingested my first and perhaps last faux-meat hot dog, though I still have six left (that's right, I actually got someone else to eat one with me!) in the package and I hate to let food go to waste. I never even liked hot dogs when I did eat meat so I'm not quite sure what inner compulsion drove me to such an odd purchase. In fact the idea had been lurking in my head for weeks. It's not exactly unexpected though; every now and then I develop a hankering for something that at any other time would disgust me.

Grape juice is a reoccurring example. I loathe grape juice, but about once a year I am overtaken by a monomaniacal craving for it, convinced that I have discovered my new beverage of choice despite my prior bad experience. Although I remain hindered from explicitly going to a store solely to purchase it, my thirst for it lingers in the back of my head until I finally have an excuse to leave my abode to begin my not-so-subtle search. I'll creep slowly past vending machines, browse restaurant menus, or lurk passed local quickie marts until I finally happen to find myself at an establishment that has it. I purchase it immediately and upon the moment the first drop touches my lips I know that my revelation was in error. I'll proceed to drink the rest of the bottle with a sour look upon my face, which tends to only further vex whoever I'm with as he/she has already been forced to tolerate me throughout my fixated quest.

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Manufactured Landscapes - The long introductory tracking shot of a Chinese assembly factory pulled me in immediately as I tend to be a downright sucker for films of the Koyaanisqatsi variety (most recently enjoying Our Daily Bread), but soon took a turn in a slightly different direction than I was anticipating. I became a bit hesitant when the stumbling, explanatory narration came on followed by a sort of behind-the-scenes look at how one of the mass factory worker photographs was shot, and again followed by a scene of that very photograph hung on the wall among others at an art museum exhibit. In fact the film does not take the tacit observer stance but instead is a documentary following photographer Edward Burtynsky as he travels mainly through China capturing some of the most monumental and surreal photographs of modern industry ranging from coal mines, ship yards, factories, electronics landfills, to Shanghai cityscapes. The most haunting images were those of the piles upon piles of old computer parts and metal waste that are brought to a small town to be sorted through by women and children for reusable metal. Another scene shows a heap of old rotary phone parts that lays untouched and may very well remain as so indefinitely. Burtynsky's still photography images play a prominent part and tend to overshadow the film itself though director Jennifer Baichwal does her best to mimic/accentuate his style by mixing in her slow panning shots to give his photographs increased dimension. Together they create a disturbing visual of the environments we create (which also makes us think of the ones we must have destroyed) so that we can have all the luxuries that we now feel completely unable to live without. Although in his narration Burtynsky claims not to take sides on the issue, it's hard to deny the strains our relentless progress must be causing our planet. These are images that all consumerists should have instilled in their head.