It's gone. Yesterday I got off the bus at Sukhothai and absent-mindedly left my travel journal behind. The guest house owner was kind enough to call the bus station, the bus company, even acquired the phone number for the bus driver but to no avail. He made two trips to the bus station today as well and now I must come to a bitter acceptance. All my thoughts and notes from India, Nepal, Peru, and the beginning of Southeast Asia, gone. Only one other time have I misplaced a notebook, and it was due to the same reason: neglect. (I was carrying a small notebook in my back pocket at all times and had been doing so with dwindling inspiration for years, but I stopped after this sparsely used one went missing.) Again, I haven't been writing, sincerely at least, and the manifestation is departure.
I've lost and left behind so much. Death, distance, and disassociation. And now my traveling companion. I write here in remembrance of lost spaces for my words, seeking familiarity to console my solitude.
"i lived shyly, in agony, like a ghost..."
About me
hyper-sensitiva
This is a place for self-analysis, which sometimes turns into griping and self-loathing exploits, but I do my best to keep it clean. Mostly it comprises of the random thoughts of the day and has the ulterior purpose of being the desperately needed place for rhetoric practice.
"Some films have made me doze off in the theater, but the same films have made me stay up at night, wake up thinking about them in the morning, and keep on thinking about them for weeks. Those are the kind of films I like." Kiarostami
The last fifty books...
- Tender Is the Night (F. Scott Fitzgerald) 2/17
- Twenty Stories (Satyajit Ray) 2/17
- The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle (Haruki Murakami) 2/17
- The World According to Garp (John Iriving) 1/17
- Candide (Voltaire) 1/17
- Transmetropolitan (Warren Ellis and Darick Robertson) 12/16
- Kafka on the Shore (Haruki Murakami) 10/16
- Marching Powder (Rusty Young) 10/16
- Austerlitz (W.G. Sebald) 10/16
- The Joy Luck Club (Amy Tan) 8/16
- The Thief's Journal (Jean Genet) 7/16
- Black Like Me (John Howard Griffin) 7/16
- The Age of Selfishness: Ayn Rand, Morality, and the Financial Crisis (Darryl Cunningham) 6/16
- A Strangeness in my Mind (Orhan Pamuk) 6/16
- The Ethical Slut (Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy) 5/16
- Bottomless Belly Button (Dash Shaw) 5/16
- China Rich Girlfriend (Kevin Kwan) 5/16
- M Train (Patti Smith) 5/16
- Old Masters (Thomas Bernhard) 5/16
- Crazy Rich Asians (Kevin Kwan) 5/16
- Half of a Yellow Sun (Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie) 5/16
- Darkness Visible (William Styron) 5/16
- Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo and Me (Ellen Forney) 4/16
- Daisy Miller (Henry James) 4/16
- The Turn of the Screw (Henry James) 4/16
- The Colors of Infamy (Albert Cossery) 4/16
- High-Rise (J G Ballard) 4/16
- The Sandman: Preludes and Nocturnes (Neil Gaiman) 4/16
- Psychiatric Tales (Darryl Cunningham) 4/16
- Stitches (David Small) 4/16
- American Born Chinese (Gene Luen Yang) 4/16
- American Widow (Alissa Torres) 4/16
- Yummy: The Last Days of a Southside Shorty (G. Neri) 4/16
- A Drifting Life (Yoshihiro Tatsumi) 4/16
- Y: the last man (Brian K. Vaughan) 3/16
- FreakAngels (Warren Ellis, Paul Duffield) 3/16
- Nightwood (Djuna Barnes) 3/16
- It's a Good Life, If You Don't Weaken (Seth) 3/16
- A Happy Death (Albert Camus) 3/16
- Boomerang: Travels in the New Third World (Michael Lewis) 3/16
- A Splendid Conspiracy (Albert Cossery) 2/16
- Sleepwalk and Other Stories (Adrian Tomine) 2/16
- Shortcomings (Adrian Tomine) 2/16
- The Wings of the Dove (Henry James) 2/16
- Proud Beggars (Albert Cossery) 2/16
- Scenes from an Impending Marriage (Adrian Tomine) 1/16
- La Perdida (Jessica Abel) 1/16
- Summer Blonde (Adrian Tomine) 1/16
- Blankets (Craig Thompson) 1/16
- The Nightly News (Jonathan Hickman) 1/16
Latest veggie/vegan recipies i've tried making...
- Roasted Eggplant Dip * * * *
- Red Lentil Curry * * * (hot!)
- Vegetarian Chili * * *
- Pineapple Black Bean Enchiladas * * *
- Ginger Peach Soup * *
- Cardamom Tea * * * *
- Mutter Paneer * *
- Black Bean Dip (a la Judy) * * * *
- Japanese Style Tofu with King Mushroom and Gai Lan * * * *
- Garlic and Kale Soup * * * *
- Senegalese Style Peanut Soup * * * *
- Mushroom and Bok Choy Soup (my own concoction... pretty good) * * *
- Giant Old-Fashioned Oatmeal Raisin Cookies [click, then scroll down] * * * *
- Rustic Bread & Eggplant Lasagna (vegan) * * * *
- Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies * * * *
- round 3: Lemon-Poppyseed Chamomile Tea Bread *
- round 2: Lemony Zucchini Bread *
- round 1: Pumpkin Spice Bread * *
- Broccolini Cherry Tomato and Butter Bean Udon * * * *
- Butternut Squash, Chickpea and Spinach Curry * * *
“I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake, and perhaps as long as eternity too.” SD/JJ
1 comment:
Please accept my sincere condolences. That's gotta hurt. =( I remember when I lost my "Sweet Eyes" stuffed bear (think the Downy Snuggle Bear, but with an even more muted snout) whilst on a summer road trip with the parents and was devastated. I suspect this is like that, but like many, many times worse since this was something you had produced, an extension of yourself. I’m not quite sure what to say to help assuage things, but I do hope this does not dampen further introspection or exploration for long, if at all.
By the way, I see that you read "The Master and Margarita". What did you think? The Mother absolutely adored it. I tried reading it, but it was too dense for me. The parents and I did see a play version many, many years ago, and it was incredibly entertaining. I wish I could see it again.
Apologies for not replying to your latest e-mail yet. Work has been busy, especially as I prepare for being absent, and as you likely know there was a blizzard, so it has been a strange week. I will try to respond soon. Best wishes in the meantime and stay safe!
Post a Comment